Risk

Darkness has a way of making the wrong thing seem right. 

I've been spending so much time and effort trying to fight.

But here I am, here I stand, still fighting.

My mind was so determined to win the fight.

My soul was consumed in doing the right thing.

But I've heard things--poison has seeped into my ears.

I've wondered things--the toxins soaked into my mind.

I've felt things--the darkness is knocking on the door of my heart.

I've reacted to the strange stimuli. 

I'm unsure what's happening. I was so sure a moment ago.

Now I'm making strange decisions.

I'm opening my heart to curiosity.

My mind is half sober. It jolts awake but the poison lulls it back into a trance.

I cannot do with this!

Where is my mind?

I need to stop entertaining this strange feeling.

I feel that I am not my own, like I'm a third party watching myself do strange things.

I've started the words.

The words will lead to actions.

At this point it is too late to avoid the consequences.

I must gird myself and face the actions.

But maintain a straight face and be ready to fight and defend when the demons come dancing.

They will whisper and sing sweet songs into my ears!

It will be so alluring to entertain those sickly sweet words.

But fight the bloody battle, persevere!

Pray.

You can overcome. You will overcome.

Stop being so shy and submissive.

You can be the dominant one. You can come off strong.

Don't let the devils have a chance to take advantage.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Do it for you. Do it for your fellow men.

You can overcome the world.

Pray, Isy. Pray! And pray hard!

Pray earnestly. Pray desperately!

This battle that you've started is not going to be light.

The legion of dark forces that you have attracted is great.

Stop giving out opportunities.

Don't let your heart control your mind.

Stop talking to the wrong people, Isy.

The wrong people will lead you to a bad road.

You will be torn away from everything you've hoped for.

Stay in the light, Isychia.

Stay with me, little one.

~Isy Beans

Friends, Respectfully

Hey, Mister.

You are my friend. I care about you as a friend and see you as a very special, unique and talented human being, but don't take it the wrong way. I think that you are very kind and thoughtful and I appreciate that you are observant to my comfort and attentive to my needs, and also that you treat me generously and kindly. You are quite the gentleman and you have a great smile and a great voice. But please know that I am only treating you accordingly as to what I see in you. 

Just because I see something beautiful in you doesn't mean that you should try to twist everything all up. I want to acknowledge that you are amazing because it makes me feel good to brighten others' day. I have no intention of meaning anything bad when I compliment you. 

I know I'm just a young person and I don't know everything, but I ask humbly that you try to understand my point of view. When I'm laughing with you and talking with you, I'm not trying to mess you up or to get in your head or under your skin. I just want you to know that I'm not a threat and that I'm friendly and I care. But I'm also being careful with the things I say and how I say them. I hope you notice that. I am doing my best to respect you so that you would do the same for me. I know that I'm a submissive type of person and that if you really tried, you could manipulate me and mess me up. And I don't want it to come to that. Please don't try to take advantage of my weaknesses.

Please cease and desist. I'm praying for peace. Help us, God.

Sincerely, your younger friend, 

Isy Beans

Credits to Chibird for the image above that relates to this sitch perfectly!

What 21 Still Feels Like

I'm 21 years old. And I don't feel like an adult. I mean, I can act like an adult and do adult-y things. But my soul is still so young! When I get home from work, I don't care about all the money and love-y stuff. I want to spend my time exploring the rainforest paths and nooks and crannies. I want to bond with my sparrow and peaceful dove. I want to cackle with my sibs and make my mom's world sparkle. I want to paint and paint some more. I want to sit outside and feel the breeze and the sun. I want to use my hands to craft things of paper and glue and wire and string. I want to bake a new cookie recipe. I want to re-arrange the furniture. I want to go swimming at the pool nearby! I want to set up the tent and feel more wild and free.

No to reading all day. No to cleaning all day. No to cooking all day. No to laundry all day. No to mundane routines. No to money and love-y dove-y wuvy stuff. 

Yes to new sights! Yes to new horizons! Yes to new faces! Yes to new places! Yes to new foods! Yes to a living world full of a variety of amazing things just waiting to be discovered!

I'm 21 years old. I love feeling young.

Isy's Beans and Shenanigans

Drawing faces on a cluster of small things is one of my favorite hobbies when I'm bored at work. This is how you know me. 

I like adding personality to individual things.

Don't argue with me that it is pointless. I need to do it to stay sane.

I want some jelly beans.

Interlude Reflections With Finn & Jake

If you don't think Adventure Time is awesome... We might not get along that well. Because if we were friends, we'd be like Finn and Jake. Two completely different individuals in this present existence, but bros all the same. We'd have each other's back and take care of the other when one is down in the dumps. We'd go through thick and thin, brother. We'd go far.

"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with friends." ~Some Wise Dude

Day 1 - First Exposure

December 15, 2016 was my very first day at work.

The world felt so big and bright and strange! Excitement and anxiety were abundant. My guts did many roller-coasters as I took in new sights and new practices. Familiar faces helped me blend into the new picture. I remember meeting three specific new faces that day.

****

"Hello! I'm ready! 

Good morning! I'm new.

What do I do here?

Sure, I can do that.

Where can I find these?

How do I do this?

How long have you been here?

(I hope to be as professional as you soon!)

I want to help.

Okay, let's do this!

Thank you so much.

Goodbye. 

(I hope to see you all tomorrow!)"

****

Special thanks to Mrs. Jingkie for providing such a warm, friendly, no-pressure atmosphere! I fell in love with your patience and interest in me. At first glance I was intimidated! But quickly I learned how motherly and friendly you are. You taught me by letting me try for myself. What you've taught me has helped me in similar situations up to this day. You are amazing! You will always be a special favorite to me. 

To Ms. Cheermay: I was so happy to see you! There was no awkwardness with you. I was able to let my guard down. I felt that we were like peas in a pod. But perhaps I took it too far. It hurt that you tricked me into doing something you didn't want to do. I forgave you. 

To Ms. Irene: Thank you for being kind! I didn't expect it from you. I thought you would do more staring than speaking to me. But you were so gentle and kind and you talked to me a lot. I liked you very quickly! But in the end you went along with Ms. Cheermay's prank. At least it wasn't your idea. You just went with it. I forgave you. 

To Mr. Moses: I was nervous when you showed up. You opened my mind to the fact that there were many more strangers to meet. I got even more anxious when you didn't even really try to talk to me, the newbie. A barrier was immediately formed. But Sir, I'm sorry for not acknowledging you as much as I should have. It didn't have to be you, it could have been me to break the ice. My anxiety ate me up. I made a mental note to be kinder to you in the future. I didn't dislike you. You were on the more favorable side.

To Mr. Eduard: I was not as nervous when I first saw you. You smiled at first glance--no, you were smiling even before you saw me. Thus you came off quite friendly, but perhaps too friendly that I felt the need to keep distance. But you got me with your constant smile. It never left your face even when you fumbled as you taught me things. I appreciated that you spoke to me directly and without all the complaints about English. I'm sorry, but I did not remember your name that day.